You're so nebulous sometimes
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
