I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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