I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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