Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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