1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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