pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
