plz talk dirty to me
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
