If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
