I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
