I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
