Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
