what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
