I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
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