I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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