thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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