I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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