I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
