Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
