Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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