It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
