last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
