I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
