Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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