it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
