yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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