i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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