No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
