You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
it glows. i had to have it.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
