Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
