Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
