All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
