I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
