i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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