i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
