i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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