A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
