Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
