Pappa wants mamma naked
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
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