I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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