the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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