Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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