woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
