I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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