if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
