Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
i think my cat just said my name.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
