Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
