dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
