If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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