I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
