don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
