remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
